8.30pm Friday: Yesterday evening I was travelling up the escalator in Maida Vale tube on my way home. Halfway up, I felt this strange sensation – as if some force behind me was gently pushing me faster than everyone else. For a fraction of a second, I didn’t know what was happening, but then the escalator gently slid to a halt. Like a car braking suddenly and its passengers being thrust forwards, my feeling had been the consequence of a sudden deceleration rather than a speeding-up. This has never happened to me on an escalator before. And it suddenly got me thinking about the sensation associated with things ending or breaking. Maybe there’s always a sensation of oneself moving forward – a positive feeling of individual movement, or progress – in the moment when the rest of the world suddenly slows and stops.
8.30am Saturday: Despite being awake until 3.30 am in the morning, I rise early when the postman arrives. There’s a letter from AOL in the post rejecting me for the role of Broadband Producer. I am surprised by how disappointed I am. I have several potential job opportunities around at the moment, but none excited me anywhere near as much as this one. It seemed to me something I could get passionate about – something exciting that I could excel at.