Mr. Big rears his head once more. After much deliberation, and with a guessed e-mail address, I decided that I should drop a ‘thank you’ note for an entertaining evening. In the e-mail, I thought to myself, I would explicate my apparent teenage gawkiness from the previous day as the consequence of being mortifyingly embarrassed and hapless. It occurred to me that I would probably be more able to present myself through the written word. As I wrote it I found myself smiling – I was striking an elegant balance between professionalism and lust, between being aloof and being a prat. As I finally sent the e-mail, I felt finally satisfied. For good or ill it was over.
Twenty minutes later the phone rang. When I picked up the phone I didn’t know the number on caller-id. Just a vague number that looked vaguely corporate. A voice leapt in with ‘Hello’, but didn’t say a name – just a firmly worded, confident, ‘how are you’. For a moment I thought it was Will, who I had lost contact with a while back (semi-purposefully) after a particularly annoying weekend. My voice steeled itself for a moment, before suddenly recognising that I was completely off track. Big had rung.
Oh my god. He wasn’t supposed to do that. Caught offguard, I reached back into the depths of wit and opened my mouth, only for nothing to emerge. Words pounce from the phone, “What are you doing today? I’m blowing off work today to go for lunch and hang around.” My replies, in turn, stumble from my mouth as if unfamiliar with walking, shielding their eyes from the harsh light of day. Some crap excuse or other: “I’ve got a list. Things to do. Learn SMIL. Have a haircut. I can’t do anything but those things. That would be … er … bad.” There’s some kind of distraction at the end of the phone. He’s trying to make conversation, but I’m behaving like a chimp trapped in a cage. Noises emerge but they make no sense. Ten minutes. We agree to a vague drink sometime next week and the phone goes dead. I sit in absolute silence for five minutes, drool oozing from a corner of my mouth. Then I howl with glee. Then my eyes widen and I have to have a lie down. What the fuck have I done…