I’m in a bit of a strange mood suddenly. I’ve been in such a difficult place over the last year that I’ve often not noticed what’s been going on around me – I’ve been strangely distant from many of my oldest friends. I guess I kind of assumed that they’d understand that I wasn’t able to connect with everyone as much as I’d like – that I had huge and terrifying things on my mind all the time. But now I’m beginning to think that they didn’t have that kind of patience and that I’ve been gradually fading in their heads. I always assumed that whatever else had happened, they would be waiting for me to emerge from the other side – not that I would necessarily be particularly missed, but that my absence would be understood as a temporary thing. But now I’m missing them. And I don’t think they even notice that I’m not there any more.