Why won't Apple buy me a fucking iBook?

Oh JasonOh Jason, no! I can’t believe you’d sell your integrity for an iBook! More importantly, I already agreed to sell mine for an Apple lap-top over a year ago! And did I get any offers? No!

It’s so unfair – I may not have the reputation, and admittedly my integrity is pretty much shot right through already. But I’ll beg! I’ll have myself tattooed! I’ll be Steve Job’s personal bitch. I don’t care! I tell you, if someone sponsors Jason, I’ll be around his house every twenty minutes demanding a turn. At least 1/45th of that computer will be mine by rights, I tell you.

Let’s review: I don’t get as much traffic as, I’m mostly read by dodgy homosexuals, diseased ex-aesthetes and the socially challenged and I only very occasionally appear in the press (and normally for the wrong reasons). But since when has reward been commensurate with talent! Many untalented people get really cool shit. Why can’t I!? The campaign starts here – reward pointless people for no reason. Talent is an oppressive capitalist notion that we must eradicate from the planet.

If you are a representative of Apple and wish to get in touch with me to say how little I deserve the iBook, but how you’re going to give me one anyway, because I’m really such a sweet and cheeky chappy, then my e-mail address is