I don’t know if you’re aware of this fact – but I’m actually going to be thirty years old in roughly four months and twenty-eight days. I only mention this fact now, because clearly thirty is a big milestone and you’ll all want to be saving up so you can buy me a nice big sparkly present rather than the old tat you usually buy me (you know who you are). It occurs to me that if you people actually stopped being quite so useless and each sent me £20 via Paypal a year, then I wouldn’t have to get a damn job at the BBC anyway. Which would – of course – be their loss not mine. Sigh.