Not caring about football is

Not caring about football is a mixed blessing. England go out of the World Cup and of course it’s still disappointing because so many people you know do care about it, and you want them to be happy. So you have to try and identify with their pain anyway. Certainly you’re not allowed to smile while walking through London. You’re supposed to look miserable, or at least kind of flat. Everyone looks at you. Remind yourself – everyone else is kind of depressed. And you’re very definitely not allowed to be secretly relieved that the world won’t completely stop so that everyone can watch football every two or three days…