I'm conflicted by the wonder of our weapons…

I’m in the market for some threadless action. I need those t-shirts/posters/things. Oh yeah. There’s a particular poster I’m very keen on. But can a young metropolitan homosexualist really get away with naked ladies on his wall – however phallic the imagery? I declare myself officially a crap poof. Bring me the style, panache and hair of a glamour-man post-haste. I’m turning into middle-aged hetero-mulch before mine own eyes.