There are three asides to every story… Being the worst post ever on…

Matt Webb never links to weblogs. Ever. Except when they’re talking about some ludicrously complicated piece of where-RSS-will-be-in-20-years-ery, or something ludicrous-mac-rumour-with-a-utopian-edge-ish. He certainly never links to any funny weblogs. That, it seems, would miss the point.

Aside (1) on the rhetoric of webloggery. You know full well I’m about to say something to the effect of “Matt Webb has just linked to this really funny weblog”. Bear with me. Go along with the pretence that I’m about to do something so revelatory that you’ll implode with pleasure and surprised. It’ll make me feel better. I promise.

Aside (2) on being facetious. When I was about eleven I said something really really similar to the line above in an essay about something or other at school. And my teacher read it out in front of the whole class and said I was facetious. And none of us knew what that meant, and I’ve carried it with me as a scar for the rest of my life and it still brings pain to my heart when I think about it. So let’s pretend for a minute that I’m not being facetious, and maybe in that way I’ll get over that minor childhood trauma.

Aside (3) on what facetious means. Definitions of facetious according to include, “cleverly amusing in tone”, “characterized by wit and pleasantry; exciting laughter; as, a facetious story or reply” and “playfully jocular; humorous”. In retrospect, I don’t think he was using the word correctly, as it seems to be quite a good thing to be. Learn this lesson well, children. Teachers know jack shit.

So anyway, against all the odds, Matt Webb has just linked to this really funny weblog. Or at least he claims it is funny. I haven’t actually looked at it and don’t intend to either. Because this whole preamble was a way of excusing the fact that I’m about to link to a really funny weblog. Didn’t see that coming, did you. Ha. is about the institutionalised dating misadventures of a young Jewish woman – and she’s had many. I’m not entirely up on my Jewish dating practices (or indeed any dating practices), but it appears that there’s some kind of precursor to computer dating that forms a significant component of Judaic cultural life. Without fear or shame of being pointed at down the pub for being the saddo who put the personal ad in the paper, you are set up with a variety of men or women (depending, note, on your own gender – and not your personal preferences) and then experience the wonder of eating food, chatting amiably and surrupticiously chewing off your own arm over the course of the evening. Eating food, chatting amiably and chewing off of one’s one arm being the only three components of the dating experience I’ve as yet experienced. And your Rabbi helps too, which is nice.

Here’s a choice quote from “I have to say that the guy who approached me had a phenomenal likeness to Bart Simpson. Very American-like of him really. I mean, he was short, blond, his hair was exactly like Bart Simpson’s, big round eyes complete with squeaky yellowish voice and manic smile. I wanted to make a joke about it but I very tactfully decided to shut up.”

God what an awful, overwritten post this is. I’m turning into a right hack.