Categories
Random

My comments about language (yesterday)

My comments about language (yesterday) seem to be echoing around the net with some speed. In the course of the day I have written a very apologetic e-mail to Tracy for using her as a launch-pad for what is clearly a much larger rant, been chastised for criticising American culture as low-brow (never my intention), been introduced to the regional variations of dialect in Newfoundland, been agreed with by a New Zealander and told I am naive by someone else. Here’s a selection of the best comments that have emerged in response to my ravings:

Matthew Rossi: “When you just assume the rest of the world exists to become more like you, you don’t need to worry about things like [culture]. America is a monster. A bastard born out of deformed magecraft and naked opportunism, it rolls over other national identities like the Cohort of Julius Caesar meeting Vercingtorix. Bastard confident, a great big engine that chews up shit and blood and hate and spits it out all over the landscape.”

Prolific: “I was taught by mostly Brits and Americans in a teacher training college in Utrecht. Oddly, there were none of the ‘my English is better than yours’ vibes there, perhaps because these were language teachers. We were told ‘adopt an accent, any accent, be it American, English, Welsh or Irish. It will help you sound more convincing.'”

Kitsch Bitsch: “I can most wholeheartedly agree with Tom when he says that the worldwide awareness of American vernacular far excedes the average American’s awareness of regional versions of the language.”

Daily Doozer: “I don’t want to get into a nasty argument about cultural imperialism and the proliferation of American media. I don’t want, particularly, to talk about any perceived or real damaging societal effects. Personally, I think that at the moment I’m a typical student and I’ve completely lost faith in capitalism (and it’s probably a phase I’ll go through before I become a corporate lawyer).”

Categories
Random

LEWD, the London Elite Weblogging

LEWD, the London Elite Weblogging Detachment that I alluded to a few days ago is beginning to come together. Or at least it seems likely that it is – people seem to have been rather flummoxed by my complete lack of contact details. Sorry to not so soft, LEWD blog #1. Daily Doozer is also trying to start some kind of IRL weblogger meeting, which I am more than up for. Perhaps it can become the basis for WXW1 (West by West One), Katy’s idea to compete with those American chappies and their SXSW.

Dull weblogger? Take a life altering pill and become more vibrant and throbbing. Continuity.nu was the only site that picked up on my challenge to spice up a blog, and even then, well:

“There are a few [weblogs] that are genuinely dull.” Thanks, Tom. Webloggers all over the world are now thinking, gosh, I hope I’m not dull.

Just for fun, and because I am terribly proud of (most of) them, here are a few buttons I recently designed for timeout.com:

Oh and one last thing! Mark! What on earth are you talking about?

“I had a randon ICQ message the other day, asking me what kind of shampoo I use. Stupid question, right? But the more I’ve thought
about it, the less stupid it became. I *KNOW* people by their scent. If Tom was to use Herbal Essence
instead of my suspected Head and Shoulders, he’d be a totally different man than I thought him to be.”

The scariest thing is that I actually don’t even know what shampoo I use. At the moment I am stealing odds and ends off my flatmates. That could mean anything. Particularly as I don’t have a sense of smell. I could be dousing myself in a great big girlie “flowers and ponies” kind of shampoo. Ick. Gross. Note to self: Go To Boots. Buy Shampoo. And Shaving Cream. And Light-Bulbs.

Categories
Language

Why don't Americans understand British English?

This post is SOOOOO not going to go down well. Tracy and Katy are having a conversation about American and British English. Before I begin, I know that I am jumping rather savagely into the fray on this one, that I don’t mean any disrespect to anyone, and that I am responding in a fashion that is full of generalisations. If I seem to go over the top, bear in mind that I am talking more about a cultural phenomenon than about arguments with individuals, and also bear in mind that I have just as many (if not more) issues with the cultural attitudes of Britain.

TRACY: I think the English are very nice, but when I was teaching English in schools run by British expats, I wasn’t too fond of them. They used to laugh at the Americans and tell us our accents made them sick to their stomachs. I wasn’t allowed to teach “American” English. I had to tell my students that their tennis shoes were called “trainers” and their underwear were called “pants.” Then when I went out for drinks with them after class I would say, “Forget that British nonsense, this is how you should really say it.” Because isn’t it true that most foreigners (and these were businesspeople I was teaching) are going to be doing more business with Americans than with British?

KATY: That said, I’d just like to reassure Tracy that we’re not all like that. Boorish expats really aren’t representative of us all – thank goodness! If it’s any consolation, I’d like to say that when I was living in the States, I always said sneaker, cellphone, baked potato, zucchini and gas. Verily, Tracy spaketh the truth – I wouldn’t have got very far talking about trainers, courgettes or petrol. Though I must confess, I still couldn’t bring myself to call trousers ‘pants’, and women’s underwear ‘panties’. You can take the girl out of England but you can’t take England out of the girl I guess…

Now excuse me, but I really think that Tracy needs to be taken to task a little here. I mean I don’t want to come over all Riothero-ish, but really! I mean really! Before I begin, I should make it clear that I do not in any way condone telling people that their accents make them “sick to their stomachs”. And I don’t want to go into details about how if it were a school run by people speaking British English then it makes sense not to confuse your students with two sets of vocabulary for everyday things (although it makes much more sense to teach one branch of the language [whichever one] and then supplement that with a separate class on local variations in Australia, England, US, English-speaking parts of the Far East etc). Nor am I going to talk about how the attitude that you should tell your students to “Forget that British nonsense, this is how you should really say it.” is just as bloody dodgy as the stomach comment. No – I am going to leave all that beside and concentrate on an old bugbear of mine.

In the UK, everyone can understand pretty much everything that an American can come out with. Every accent has been heard on television, or in the cinema or met in person. Similarly, the English can understand pretty much everything that Australians, South Africans and New Zealanders say. Australasians in their turn can understand pretty much everything that people say in the UK and the US. The idiom might seem strange but it is still comprehensible. So why is it that Americans have so much trouble? And what height of arrogance is it to assume that people learn English to speak only to Americans?

The fact is that America has become culturally dominant through the media across the world. The American Dream has been packaged and repackaged and circulated through the world and the world has eagerly bought it up. In the process, the world has become familiar with the US of A. But also in the process, America has become more insular and inward looking – unwilling (on the whole) to import entertainment products (except redubbed and repackaged cartoons) from the rest of the world. And as the news companies (TV and print) compete for market share, they have become gradually more and more caught up in the idea that Americans want to hear about America – that everything important happens there first.

But this insularity does not mean that the rest of the world has to adapt to service [the] US (Borg joke). Our biological and technological distinctiveness will NOT be added to their own. Frankly, Americans understanding or not understanding British English is a matter for the US education system. it is not our responsibility to make it palatable to North Americans. I’m sure the French or the Japanese would feel the same way if it was suggested they should simplify their language for the purposes of tourists – why should the UK be any different?

In Scandinavia at the moment, mobile phone technology and information technology is integrated into the structure of the world like nowhere else. People are already doing all the things that are still being promised in the US, in the UK and the rest of Europe, and in the rest of the world. And the world takes notice. But I heard of a meeting in the last six months where a US company started talking to a business in the UK talking about the magical times of the future when all these things would be possible – a magical time that THEY were helping to bring about. The patient UK CEO listened carefully and then told him about the Scandinavian projects. The US company hadn’t even heard of them, but they didn’t care! They simply didn’t believe that a system that was not invented in the US could catch on.

I don’t have a problem with American English, nor do I have a problem with the gradual homogenisation of language that is inevitably going to occur as international boundaries go down (although I can understand why people might get annoyed). After all, language is a living thing and phrases and structures from other cultures get co-opted all of the time. English (in all its various forms) is full of these borrowings, moreso than any other language. But these ideas: 1) that those of us who speak British English should not teach our own language [because] 2) all foreign people learning English are interested in only in America, 3) that British English speaking people should adapt their language to make it more comprehensible to those trained in American English while 4) Americans remain culturally unwilling to make any attempt to understand anything that happens outside their borders. Well, frankly, I find that slightly ridiculous.

For more on this subject, check out my post for 3/26/2000. If you are furious with me or need to get involved in this particular scrap, e-mail me at tom@no-spam-please-barbelith.com.

Categories
Personal Publishing

Death of the Weblog?

Did everyone in the weblogging world get sent this link: Death to the Weblog? It’s a really weird site, which I can’t quite get a handle on. It seems to be about 2/3 spoof and 1/3 serious, or maybe the other way around, and includes great quotes like this:

“It just seems so restrained… like they worry. “Oh God, what if ‘so-and-so’ reads this???”.
FUCK EM!!!! If people can drag a loved one on a talk show, and drop a bomb like: “Honey, there’s a reason why we haven’t had sex in our eight years of marriage…I’M REALLY A MAN.”, in front of 20 million people….Why can’t we call someone an asshole on our webpages????”

This is one of the oldest online personal publishing problems: the “what if someone I know reads this” syndrome. The things you gradually excise out of your daily monologue to the world increase with time (does this make your weblog less interesting). The first minor spat I had with Sam before our unceremonious parting (case in point – don’t think I mentioned that) was about whether or not I could legimately talk about our burgeoning relationship in a public place. And then there’s my oft repeated story about when my brother e-mailed me about something I had written asking if I thought he should tell my mother. And then of course there’s the fact that everyone at work knows that I post my thoughts here. Am I to be fired, excommunicated or even prosecuted simply in order to maintain the purity of my weblog? I feel the same impetus as every other weblogger to tell the truth (what’s the point otherwise), but there will unfortunately be limits.

In the meantime, what is one to write about? It has to be said there are indeed a lot of boring weblogs. Many of them just don’t match my interests (and I am sure that barbelith doesn’t do it for everyone), but there are a few that are genuinely dull. Honestly, I think it all comes down to passion. Write about what you care about and everything is fine. If that is something in your personal life, then fine. If it is something in your professional life, great. If it is something on the web, also cool. You just can’t go wrong with an attitude like that.

There’s this really interesting weblog run by a guy called Matthew Rossi that I read occasionally, which has been looking at the criticisms in “Death to the Weblogs” (metacubed has a piece too). I think I’ll leave this subject on this point because he illustrates how one can take a fairly average subject and make something gripping out it. He says:

“While [the “Death to Weblogs”] rant was right about a lot of what goes on in Weblogging, it was also guily of it. Where’s the rage?

“Where’s the ‘I slave over the embers of my diseased imagination all day to bring you blogs about my twin brother, a necromantic hold over inside the lining of my skull, about Yahweh as Azathoth, about the arcane attributes of mayonnaise and Zueglodon sightings…and the best you can give me in return is dietary restrictions? A POX ON THEE!’ Where are the howlings of ‘Be more like Meghan! Be more like Barbelith! Hell, be like none of them…but for God/Yog Sothoth’s sake, be something other than this! If I wanted painfully boring details of your life, I’d be reading Proust!’?”

Categories
Random

Referrer logs reveal that yesterday,

Referrer logs reveal that yesterday, Barbelith was visited by 666 people. This unholy convergence of number and anti-establishment content leads me to conclude that I must be the anti-Christ. This is quite frustrating as I have enough to do already. I just don’t have the time. I am going to a wedding tomorrow (working on the assumption that at some point ever I will get my arse in gear and organise it). In the meantime I have to organise a working phone system, the disposal of two double beds, the repair of a boiler and the installation of cable television. Bringing about apocalypse will just have to wait a little longer…

Categories
Random

There aren't that many weblogs

There aren’t that many weblogs talking about the riots in London on May Day. I had decided initially not to talk about them (I thought everyone would be at it), but as time has passed I find the subject more and more interesting. I would love to see more commentary from people though – if anyone sees anything good, e-mail me on tom@no-spam-please-barbelith.com. In the meantime, read other webloggers: KitschBitch, BlueLines, Grim, Blorg and Ed’s Weblog.

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Random

The Cenotaph and related issues…

I’ve had a few comments about my post yesterday about the daubing of the Cenotaph. They tend to say that there are legitmate targets for protest who have transgressed morally (one person included Churchill in that list) and non-legitmate targets which include the Cenotaph. I have been thinking about this at length and I have come to a few conclusions.

  • Morality
    If one can make moral choices about who we wish to protest against, then some people will think the Cenotaph is a legitimate target. If we can understand that they might decide that it is such a target then we can’t be horrified when these sentiments become actions. You can make moral statements about the war, the glorification of people who die for state sanctioned causes, the ascription of moral superiority to one side or the other etc etc etc. Let’s take this argument to it’s most (ludicrously) extreme to see if the need for a symbol of mourning for people can ever be “desecrecrated” in a moral fashion. If there was a monument in Trafalgar Square for SS Officers and Hitler then people would feel totally justified in putting graffiti on it. But these officers died too, often for a cause that they believed in and in which we don’t.

  • Glorification of War
    One person who e-mailed me talked about how the Cenotaph was as much a symbol of the futility of war as one could reasonably hope for. I’m just not sure that I agree with that. Does a war movie in which everyone dies doing something “heroic” make a statement about the futility of war? The Cenotaph seems to me to be as much a way to make a political war movie as it is about commemorating the people who actually died. In fact – I doubt that it is possible to do one without the other.

  • Why these things happen
    But all this, as far as I can tell is off the point. As I said yesterday – I wonder how many of the demonstrators were actually trying to make a point like this. I suspect remarkably few of them. Instead I think that they wanted to stick two fingers up at the world. I want you to try to imagine that you are a middle class parent living in a semi-detached house with your wife somewhere comfortable but dull (like Norwich). Now your child is starting to rebel, she’s horrified by the uninspiring paths that she sees her life evolving into – the world that she lives in is designed to make things easier, more comfortable, less challenging and totally unthreathening. So she starts to shoplift, vandalise telephone boxes, experiment with dubious substances. WHAT DO YOU DO? Do you spank her, punish her, call her filthy names and throw her out of your house? Of course not. You want to find a way for her to achieve what she wants from life, to find the happiness, the stimulation, that she needs. “Staying Out Of Trouble” is no longer a suitable lifestyle choice.

  • Informed Objection
    And that is where this whole idea of informed objection collapses. There are more frustrated people in the world than there are political ones. There are more crushed aspirations than there are passionate politicians. And the girl who aspires to doing SOMETHING (ANYTHING) knows very well that at some level, at some times, the battle is more against the structure that says “this is right”, “this is wrong” than it is against either the right or the wrong things themselves…

A blog based around Haiku? Who would have thought such a thing was possible. Haiku the Blog proves that it is. I’ve been quite bored today, so I have been trying to remember an haiku that an old flatmate of mine and I wrote a few years back. We were awfully proud of it:

Waiting is a game
Not a very good one though
Like Monopoly

In Cluedo they die
Like in Agatha Christie
But not of boredom

And lo did the Onion say something very funny, and verily did I blog it:

Clinton Consults Surgeon General On Behalf Of Friend Curious About Homosexuality
WASHINGTON, DC–President Clinton spent several hours behind closed doors Monday with Surgeon General David Satcher on behalf of an unidentified friend who is curious about homosexuality. “As a favor, this friend of mine asked me to ask the Surgeon General a few questions,” Clinton said. “This person said he’s had some funny new feelings lately, feelings he doesn’t feel comfortable talking about, so he was hoping I could ask for him.” Clinton said Satcher assured him that the feelings his friend is having are “completely natural.”

Categories
Random

Katy has been talking about

Katy has been talking about the Anti-Capitalist Riots that happened in London on May Day:

“I don’t think even the sensationalist news reports quite prepared me for what I saw:essentially the aftermath of pure carnage. I’d expected to see looted shops, broken glass, and a lot of mess, but it really was shocking to see the Cenotaph, a memorial to Britain’s war-dead, daubed with graffiti. I’m all for free speech, and I think demonstrations can be very effective when they’re conducted well – but the desecration of these commemorative landmarks just revolted me.”

I’ve been thinking about this since the events actually took place, and although I have yet to wander around the areas concerned, my feelings on the event and its aftermath in the press are anything but clear.

I saw a piece in The Sun today which suggested that a vote for Ken Livingstone was a vote for “THEM” (them being the people who “defaced” the Cenotaph). I saw the word “EVIL” bandied around in a couple of places as well, and a general horror of people not honouring the honoured dead of our country – the same “evil” people who gave us Churchill with a green mohican, and who daubed comments on the memorials of people who gave their lives in World Wars.

But what actually is the problem? Is it that they parodied Churchill? Is it that they don’t appear to care about “war heroes”? Because if this was written down and placed in a magazine or on a website people wouldn’t get anywhere near as irritated. Is it then just property damage? It doesn’t appear to be that either, because you don’t see any news reports focusing on how evil you must be to deface a MacDonalds.

Instead it seems that people have invested a symbolic value in the objects themselves – the Cenotaph and the statue – that these material products are the actual feelings of a country made manifest – turned into stone. But is that really such a big deal? Is it really any more appalling than writing anti-war statements on a phone box?

As I said – I can’t make up my mind – I just don’t know what I think about it. But one thing seems clear to me. Many (most? all?) of these people aren’t protesting about capitalism. They’re not aiming towards a more noble ideal (Communism? Socialism? Social Democracy? Liberal Democracy? Anarchy?) – instead they are products of a dissatisfaction with the way contemporary society limits and belittles the individual.

Their protest is a reason unto itself – an expression of freedom. It’s an aggressive freedom certainly, a non-communitarian freedom probably, even (possibly) an unworkable, impractical, EVIL freedom – but it’s freedom nonetheless. It’s punk with a cover-story, rebellion with a pseudo-cause. And such spirits will continue to erupt, and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

Categories
Random

Moving into 69a Heath Street…

Weekend over. And not a moment too soon. I returned home on Friday, had a brief row with my mother on Saturday morning about the way I ate weetabix, sorted out all my personal belongings into “london”, “storage”, “throwaway” and “sell” piles, slept badly and then drove down to my new flat on Sunday morning. And then I drove back to Norfolk again. And then I got a train back to London again. Exhausting.

Monday was a £150 Ikea fest in full Bank Holiday mode. And I still forgot to buy lightbulbs. Scream 3 in the evening and then Buffy box-set 2.2 eased me to bed. Best thing about new flat: having my own bed. Worst thing about new flat: not having a working telephone (being fixed). Most annoying thing in relation to new flat: being unable to find the telephone number of our local cable TV company.

I went to see Scream 3 with Katy – an old (!) friend and similar devotee to the cult of the web obsessive. She has often expressed to me a frustration at our distance from the webloggers that we read regularly. And so on that note, and with the birth of Katy’s brand new blog “kitschbitch.com“, I hearby declare the beginnings of the London Elite Weblogging Detachment – or LEWD for short. Come forward LEWD boys and girls, and LO! I shalt blog thee…

Categories
Random

Being on-message…

I don’t want to get too off message at the moment, so I am going to keep my personal commentary log pretty brief over the weekend. Regular viewers will find normal service resumes on Tuesday after the Bank Holiday, after I have moved in properly, and after the current rush of Invisibles people just finding the barbelith family of sites settles down a little bit. In the meantime, Invisibles people, look down the page a little for what you are after.

In the meantime, a little rant from Warren Ellis about the state of the comics industry should be looked at by all people who are passionate about them, or grew up with them and can’t get them completely out of their heads (no matter how they try).

And for the regulars, a little something to keep you cheery: Sissyfight – be a vindictive girl and pick on other people for fun. And watch out for MissyBitch, because I made her mean and strong and sassy as the day is long.