"My Fictional Love-Life" (Part One)

So I’m walking down the street when I slip on a banana skin and land hard on my back. The weather isn’t brilliant so I get this kind of sky-grey haze moving behind the glowing spots that dance around in front of me. This weird-looking guy with a big nose and an eye-patch helps me up. Everyone else kind of walked past.

We didn’t say a lot to each other, but he didn’t make a very good first impression. You know the type – completely self-involved and nauseatingly smug. Instantly frustrating. He did, however, have a nice arse.

After helping me stand up, we did some “British” thing that you see on TV programs like Friends, but which never actually happens in England (possibly we looked a bit sheepish and mentioned the Queen) and went on our separate ways. God help me, I hope I don’t bump into him again…