Thoughts and Reflections on Friday

Thoughts and Reflections on Friday Night:

My last day at Avondi filled me with a strange mix of relief and anxiety. Incidental contract jobs are never tremendous fun – you don’t have a lot invested in them, and they don’t have a lot invested in you. But nonetheless, it is money. And when your source of money goes away, well the fear starts up again.

Well, to counteract the fear – and extend the weekend – after a quick trip home I met up with two gay friends of mine, John W and Nick H and we went to see Broken Hearts Club. This was a pleasant surprise – a gay film that didn’t get too maudlin, didn’t deal too much with coming out and managed to deal with the thing I’m most interested in at the moment – the community of friends that you do or don’t develop and their relationships. And some of the relationship stuff kind of felt like a kick in the head – if only because I’m trying to make that mental shift from sleeping with people to going out with people without the person who actually convinced me I could make such a shift in the first place. And you know, sleeping with people is fun – but more about that later.

Film ends and I browbeat my colleagues into a visit to G.A.Y. where I am immediately obsessed by the cheap nastiness of my t-shirt which I accidentally bought earlier in the day. But within half an hour John, Nick and I are joined by Sam C on the stage in the middle of the dance floor. Remember – I’m new to this, I’ve only been to G.A.Y. once before and that was last week. Honestly, I had a great time. Anyway – halfway through the evening I met this charming shirtless gentleman called Claudio. He was fairly keen and after a couple of hours of mid dance floor fumbling, it became clear to me that this man would quite cheerfully claim the title of ‘best looking man I’ve ever shagged’ if I were to agree to take him home with me. Which is why I was startled when I realised that I wasn’t going to. That I was going to walk off, get a drink, find my friends and go home. I’m still trying to figure out why I did it. Didn’t feel right, I suppose.