On intellectual performance anxiety..?

I think the most upsetting part of having a week-long holiday ‘to get things done’ is that when it’s over and you look back at what you’ve accomplished, you’re inevitably disappointed. When you look at sites that you’d planned to update every day and haven’t updated for weeks even when you had nothing obviously else to do, then that’s just got to be gutting – you’ve got to be failing somehow. I might have to be honest with the world and state that Everything in Moderation is likely to be a highly sporadic venture – a name under which I can put up articles or posts as and when the mood strikes me, rather than something that I can legitimately maintain on a daily basis.

It’s very depressing and I think it’s wrapped up in a whole range of other things that are drifting around in my head at the moment about how people justify less-than-immediately-easy-to-organise social events, plans, schemes, hobbies and the like. Don’t they feel guity about not trying to make / build / write / achieve something? I know that I do – profoundly guilty – which unfortunately is beginning to have the effect of causing me to become effectively totally blocked. My head is teeming with stuff I want to do pretty much all the time – teeming so much that it’s beginning to feed upon itself. Achieving non-work-related mental clarity and useful working states is also becoming harder as the stuff gets backed up, because now every thing I do takes too long when put against the other five things I should be doing at the same moment. I’m perpetually distracted. It’s getting aggravating.