Categories
Politics

Are you sure?

I went to see Richard Dawkins talk at the Douglas Adams Memorial Lectures a couple of weeks back. Dawkins was introduced by Stephen Fry, who quoted Niels Bohr in saying, “Anyone who is not shocked by quantum mechanics hasn’t understood it”.

I’m not going to be talking about the war much for the foreseeable future, but you’ll probably notice a dramatic increase in the blackness of my humour. I should think the cynicism index will probably peak in fairly short order too. In fact, my only piece of advice to people on both sides of this issue is an analogue to Bohr’s comments – anyone who is 100% sure of the morality of their position with regard to the war in Iraq probably hasn’t understood the issues involved. Be prepared to have your mind changed. Remain open to new ideas. Protest / Advocate only what you really believe to be true… In the meantime, here are a couple of war-related links that are barely about the war at all…

Categories
Humour

New ideas for sit-coms…

Does anyone remember this TV series? It had like six “friends” – three ‘boys’ and three ‘girls’ -and they kind of lived in this really obvious set in New York and the friends who were boys were Dorky/Slutty, Dorky/Sarcastic and Dorky/Mass Murderer and the friends who were girls were Sassy/Obsessive, Sassy/Self-Obsessive and Sassy/Certifiable? God, you’re got to remember it! It was huge about eight years ago… You remember? It was called “Friends”? Maybe it wasn’t on TV where you come from. Anyway – the point is, that somehow I just caught an episode of it – it’s still on TV! – and goddam is it terrible. Absolutely excruciatingly awful.

So anyway, I’m talking to Kerry – you remember Kerry, he’s my chum in LA – and we’re trying to work out why anyone ever watched that show “Friends”, and we’re trying to think up brilliant alternatives and I think we’ve done terribly well:

Pitch One: My first suggestion was a bit of a doozy – basically it’s a sit-com about hot naked gay men making out – What’s not to love?! When you think about it it’s a miracle that no one’s thought of it before. Location ideas? Fraternity house shower room maybe? Kerry suggested a wrestling team theme – but that’s no good. As I explained to him, US wrestling teams wear weird wrestling outfits. You have to have grown up with them to associate them with lustful feelings – no one else in the world understands that particular weird fetish. And foreign markets are so very important nowadays – you don’t want to make a show that people in New Zealand think is lame, do you? I mean, do you? Essentially, the only truly international sit-coms – maybe the only truly international TV shows – are the totally naked ones. I mean – check out Oprah – do you really think that her show would have been popular in Kazakhstan if she’d been wearing clothes?

Pitch Two: How about a sit-com in which Shania Twain is brutally murdered in a different way each week? It’s got loads of potential catchphrases and running jokes. Each week she could start singing some power pop piece of … art … and then – right in the middle – an anvil could fall onto her head, or she could look down and realise that she’s been pushed off a cliff. It would be like Kenny in South Park, but infinitely more satisfying. And think of the potential for spin-offs! I mean just off the top of my head I can think of “Death to J Lo!” and “The Hideously Thrilling Regular Decapitation of Christina Aguilera!”

You know – I’m wasted working in community software. I should be working in Hollywood! They know how to reward visionary geniuses out there. I mean – look at Joel Schumacher! He gave Batman nipples!

Categories
Random

The Bangles at the Shepherd's Bush Empire…

Now, somewhere between fifteen and twenty years ago, I was a singular fan of the Bangles. I had all three of their albums, from the weird and vaguely unlistenable first one, through the poppy second album through into the lush soft rock third album. I hated Eternal Flame (still do), but loved songs like “Following”, “Glitter Years”, “Crash and Burn” and “Be With You”. I will make no apologies for this. I get pleasure from them still.

Last night I went to see The Bangles in concert with friends Francesca and Es. I went to see The Bangles in concert and not only was it really good fun, it was also a really good concert. Of course my initial assumption had been that it would be a vaguely tragic occasion – some kind of ludicrous nostalgia-milking exercise for the nearly-middle-aged. But while there was no shortage of the middle-aged in the audience, the band themselves didn’t look in any way out-of-place, out-of-fashion, self-indulgent or flabby. No – they were clearly a sharp and capable band up for having a very good time while rocking like pop-rock bastards…

When I was a kid, it never even occurred to me that I’d get to see them live. And when I booked the tickets it never really occurred to me that the whole experience would be so full of resonance and weird, trashy, idealistic, teenage emotions. Now, having seen them live, I realise that I’ve fulfilled a teenage dream that I didn’t know I had. And while it’s not without a hint of embarrassment, I feel bloody wonderful. If you get a chance to go and see them in concert, then go. I think you’d be surprised how much fun you’d have…

Categories
Random

My nights are headache grey…

Two nights in a row I’ve left work with a burnt-out grey headache. Desperate-need-for-a-holiday time is here, and thankfully Actually-going-for-a-holiday time is rapidly approaching. But more on that later. More rested today – my head spinning a little, but with bits of brain no longer oozing from my ears – I can start to bring sense to the memeworld around me. Panic no longer. For I am back…

Categories
Random

In support of Robin Cook…

For those Americans amongst our company who may not know who he is, Robin Cook was, until this morning, Leader of the House of Commons. He was a high-placed member of the British cabinet, and an ex-Foreign Minister. Today he resigned in protest at what he believes to be the inappropriate rush to go to war without the support of our international allies. He gave a rousing and intelligent speech in the House of Commons that has been circulated on all the UK TV stations, and which received a standing ovation from his colleagues. I can’t as yet find a transcript online, but I’ve found a RealAudio version from the BBC. I advise everyone to watch it. Addendum: Here’s a transcript of the speech from the BBC.

Categories
Random

Sunday night / Monday morning

We all need things that are good to think with – interesting or fascinating questions that are worth exploring. Here are a few interesting questions people around the world have been asking this week…

Categories
Random

Clutter on your desktop…

Clutter is my favourite new OSX toy. It starts off as a tiny little window that links in with iTunes. While you’re listening to music, it pops online and grabs cover images from Amazon. Now that – in and of itself – is quite entertaining. But then it gets really good. You can drag the covers off onto your desktop and pile them up like there were CDs on your floor. And when you want to listen to an album, you just double click on the cover. iTunes then makes a bespoke playlist and starts playing it straight-away.

There’s a couple of really interesting aspects to this. Firstly, there’s this nostalgic yearning for groupings of music in album-like shapes. Many of us using toys like the iPod have got used to thinking about the future of music as being song-sized – componentised. It feels kind of weird to start playing with albums again. But then again, maybe the rampant componentisation that we’re currently experiencing is a push too far – a utopian idea of totally fluid information chunks that will prove to be illusory and against the best interests of human beings. It could be that the ‘album’ is about to enjoy a resurgence. I’ll tell you one thing for nothing – the predictable and consistent noise of an album is much easier to work to than the on-the-fly “Greatest Hits Of Your Life” approach…

Categories
Politics

A Singular Lack of Integrity?

On the news now, a correspondent reported from the Azores where the pro-war-in-Iraq lobby have been meeting. She said something I found startling. Apparently at several points during the last few months it had looked like the UK/US position would get upwards of nine/ten votes in the Security Council. That was until France declared its intention to use its veto. At this point the other countries saw no advantage in voting to approve a war that couldn’t happen anyway – and which might cost them an election. Almost to a man, they changed to a no vote.

I’ve expressed repeatedly my anxieties with any upcoming war with Iraq – that while it’s clear to me that Saddam Hussein is an unpleasant man who should be removed, the route that I believe has to be taken is one of international collaboration. I do not believe that any country or group of countries should be able to act internationally (unless they have directly and individually been provoked) without at least the vaguest assent from the international community. My opinion has been that, should there be failings in the United Nations, then it is the job of the world to change the United Nations, not to disregard it.

But my whole position has relied on the integrity of the people concerned. If countries act in an honourable way, then I have respect for their opinions. And I’ve argued to defend the assumption that people are acting honourably. I have continually argued for France’s right to express its dissent from the opinion of the international community. And I’ve been hostile to the possibility that France or the United States should try and bargain with, threaten or buy the votes of any other country on the Security Council or across the world.

But where is this integrity, exactly? France has crossed the line a couple of times. The United States and the UK have demonstrated that they’re not averse to a little bullying as well. And now we hear that the votes of the rest of the Security Council depend only on what they think will play well with their electorates. Our world is run by monsters and hypocrites and if I could retire from it, I would.

Categories
Random

Has B3ta been spammed?

Apologies: I don’t know for how long it has been the case, but the game is now loading for me in a separate window – this could have been a change at their end or a browser bug at my end. Please disregard all that follows.

Every Friday, b3ta send out their newsletter – a newsletter that goes out to many thousands of people and is known world-wide. The newsletter contains links to fun things made by B3ta people as well as to cool things send in by members of the public…

Except this week it’s different. The b3ta newsletter contained a link to a game described as follows:

“>> Stroke the Kitty Game <<
“I’ve made a new game”, writes Jibbed, “I’ve
named it Kitty Stroke. The cat needs your help.
She’s in dire need of some serious stroking
action. Stroke that cat as if your life
depended on it.” TIP: The aim of the game is
to follow the cat with your cursor. Great.
http://www.magic-carpet.freeserve.co.uk/thb/kittystroke.html

When you click through to the page, however, the game isn’t there at all. It has been replaced with a button that claims to launch the game, but instead launches an affiliate link to Sky Digital. Also on the page is an advert for OneTel. Now, as far as I can make out, there are two explanations for this state of affairs. 1) The people at the other end changed the page “accidentally” or 2) The people at the other end decided to co-opt the mailing list and use it as a cheap and easy way of making some money.

Which leaves us with the question: Given that we don’t want our cool mailing lists and independent bits of cool and homegrown content usurped by unscrupulous idiots – how do we make sure that they make no revenue out of this? Presumably neither Sky nor OneTel wish to have their affiliate programmes abused in this kind of way…

Categories
Random

On the meltdown at the Guardian…

Mad outbursts in national newspapers are like the rays of sunshine glinting through the storm clouds of international news. It’s lovely to be able to sense the person who wrote the news, and get a sense of his or her vibrant perspective on the events they’re writing about. It adds interest to information that you might otherwise wish to totally disregard. Like for example information on Cricket! So let’s turn towards today’s cricket report on Guardian Unlimited. It starts reasonably enough:

“It’s really simple: India are already through, New Zealand have to win.”

But then it goes a little pear-shaped:

“Meanwhile, have you ever thought what sort of life is this and what the hell am I doing boarding a train for Moorgate at 6.30 In the morning and then standing around for ages waiting for a tube while staring at a sign telling you that if you wait for four minutes you can board a train to Uxbridge I’d rather wait four hours for a journey with the Grim Reaper quite frankly and then you get to work and then there’s this and I know the cricket’s good and all that but I’ve got out of the wrong side of bed this morning and in any case it’s not as if I’ll write a cracking match report and then get rewarded by being sent on a wonderful assignment around the world because I’ll be very surprised if any of my bosses will read any of this let’s be honest they won’t although on the other hand that’s probably just as well..”

And that’s before the weblog-style grumpy commentary kicks in! I mean – classy, fascinating comments emerge like, “Asger Kring works for a Copenhagen media company that publishes several newspapers. “Do you want me to inquire whether they are looking for an over-by-over commentary guy?” Yes. Yes. YES! YES! YES!!!! Not that I’m desperate or anything.” By the ninth over, people are writing in with their improvisational ‘hit the keyboard with your fists’ comments:

“I must have a different keyboard-banging technique from Leonard,” types John Kirby with his big fists. “I get ‘ytcdskljojnvds.lkzsedli;j un fesalmjni vfesa;lmija;mju fceiv faewj;omivrewaomiu; svfeomijuhlvesmu;oilgvrstmjloivtrseomiju,’ which looks rather like Finnish.”

God, my sides would be shaking hard as Shakin’ Stephens if it wasn’t (as Matt has pointed out to me) potentially a ‘wacky’ Red Nose Day thing. Wouldn’t that just drain all the life out of it? Like all the life out of it? I hate Red Nose Day. It’s so desperate and tiring and forced. And they think they’re being so cool and down with the kids. Grrr. Wankers.

Addendum: Worth reading the comments on this one – you might learn something. I certainly did.