Year: 2002

If I were a bell Dinah Washington
[being a song that makes me feel happy]

Ask me how do I feel
Now that we’re cosy and clinging
Well sir all I can say is if I were a bell I’d be ringing!
From the moment we kissed goodnight
That’s the way I just gotta behave,
And if I were lamp I’d light
Or if I were a banner I’d wave.
Ask me how do I feel,
Little me with the quiet upbringing
Well sir all I can is if I were a gate I’d be swinging,
And if I were a watch I’d stop popping my spring
Oh and if I were a bell
I’d go ding dong ding dong ding.

Ask me how do I feel
From this chemistry lesson I’m learning
Well sir all I can is if I were a bridge I’d be burning!
Well I knew my morale would crack
From the wonderful way you looked
Boy if I were a duck I’d quack,
Or if I were a goose I’d be cooked.
Ask me how do I feel?
Now that we’re fondly caressing….
Pal if I were a salad,
I know I’d be splashing my dressing….
Or if I were a season I’d surely be spring
And if I were bell,
Say if I were a bell
If I were a bell I’d go ding dong ding dong ding!

PS. In a conversation with Matt the other day about ‘generations of weblogging’ inspired by a post on sashinka.blogspot.com Matt made the stunning comment that ‘first generation webloggers’ basically means anyone who started weblogging before you did, while ‘second generation’ means you and people you consider your peers. So even though I’ve been weblogging for three years (nearly) I consider myself a second-generation weblogger after Meg, Jason, Evhead, Camworld and Memepool.

But now of course that’s no longer true – you can measure your generation – it’s simply how many generations you are below the founding godhead of weblogging as detailed on Blogroots. And don’t be starting to fool yourself here – everyone was inspired by more than one weblogger – and the generation you belong to will be the one younger than the youngest one of your influences. So Jason may be your father, but if I’m your mother then you’re third generation at best. Got that?

So when they come to write the history of weblogging – will there be much evidence of the inter-relationships, the hidden parallels and links that lie between webloggers? One of the nicest things I’ve seen in ages, and potentially a really interesting and useful site, BlogTree.com is trying to assemble a weblog genealogy of inspiration – who inspired who to start a weblog? I’ve often said that the two people who got me really excited about the true potential of the web were Jason and Derek, but looking back to my first ever entries on the site, I see that Meg Hourihan was an early influence as well. You can see my ‘Pedigree‘ if you’re interested, or if you want to participate yourself: Who inspired you to start your weblog?

So I’m known for having little patience when it comes to dumb linking policies. Just in case you’re not remembering the whole dumb-linking thing – this is when a company like KMPG says KPMG says you have to get permission before you’re allowed to link to them. It’s dumb. It’s a policy. It’s about linking. Are you with me yet? Anyway – lots of other people think this kind of thing is dumb too. And someone’s founded a weblog about it. That’s kind of cool.

I fear I may be alone in being utterly confused about Jason’s latest post about Andrew Sullivan. The sheer number of similes swimming around the place like laser-mounted sharks in a very small pool make, erm, those sharks, erm, get cramped and laser each other or something. One thing is clear though – Jason uses the phrase ‘self-congratulating hogwash’ about the ludicrous Andrew Sullivan and as such is very much my hero and ally.

Sometimes I think that I’m just like this poor (spoof) gentleman. So to make me feel better and superior, I sent the man concerned a little $1 donation. And the e-mail address the money is sent to? savemyhands@yahoo.com!

On a related issue – I asked Matt whether it would be a bad idea to get a t-shirt printed that said ‘AIM me if you want a shag’ with my AIM name after it. And he said, nope.

Now like him or loathe him, Peter Mandelson is Labour (and hence probably has his heart roughly in the right place) and a poof. So he can’t be all bad. More to the point, he’s clearly a very media-savvy gentleman with a certain flair for the dramatic and a not-entirely-shit web presence. Perhaps unsurprisingly the site skips over some of the more controversial aspects of his involvement with the political system, but remains essentially an extremely well-crafted piece of informational publishing.

Today my head feels as woolly as dozens of sheep. Ideas kind of have to fight for space next to smelly mutton and can’t make themselves heard over the relentless soft bleating from every direction.

Matt Jones’s site is currently on fire. If you’re reading anything about the net at the moment, you should be reading that and not whatever infantile ramblings I’m preparing of an evening.