Author: Tom Coates

I couldn’t agree more:[ from “Lacking in emotional content“]

“It makes sense that in a world that doesn’t support creative and caring environments, there are often more glamorous, albeit unhealthy behaviors. Rather than refocusing the extreme behavior into healthier modes of expression, the kids are forced into a magnified example of our despotic culture.”

Excerpts from a Subterranean Journal:

It’s midnight and I’m preparing for bed. Priorities for next 24 hours: meet Frank (place / time / appropriate dress as yet unknown), recover from cold (and thus preserve world tissue paper supply), buy shoelaces, recover from cold, recover from cold, recover from cold, recover from cold.

The Internet Movie Database is Ten today! I think I first saw it in about 1994, because I remember all these designs: 1998 (1), 1998 (2) and 1996.

Yeah, yeah, Meg, I see you too. She’s such a smart-arse sometimes…

I my life I have met approximately five German people, or people of German descent. They have been Andreas, Evil Michael, Astrid, Other Astrid and Max. Out of these five, approximately four of them have turned out to be gay. My deduction? 80% of German people are gay.

Text Message Theatre (Inbox) II:

• We’ll have to make it tomorrow, since am now living in a hole in the ground without internet access. And infested with untermenschen whom I must exterminate…
• TOM AM PROB FREE NEXT WK MUST LVE FREE 4 POSS HOT DATE! WILL EMAIL DETAILS
• Yes. Be good. Or bad. Or something.

[All messages copied verbatim from Nokia mobile phone]

There’s a great scene in Grosse Pointe Blank involving a confrontation between ex-lovers who have recently been reacquainted. The scene takes the form of a radio phone-in show, where members of the public have their say on what they perceive to be going on. What would you have said?

Text Message Theatre (Inbox):

• Want sleep.
• so i am fed up with being a hermit what are you up tonight?
• Bored now.
• Nothing to report.
• Oi — keep your hands off my doggie!
• Shattered. May not be going ce soir. Having tea w. Jon. will see after.
• Assume no – may nap + come but likely wake tomorrow.
• BAD TUBES. NOW HAVE BAD HEAD. NEED TO RECOVER FOR A BIT.
• I was at sheffield… without my phone!
• WASSSSSUUUUUUPPPPPPPPP? I FEEL LIKE ABSOLUTE FUCKING SHIT! D

Text Message Theatre (Outbox):

• We have vodka! Return at once! Base station out..
• Do not have your e mail address at work! Send it at once!
• Jen has such a hard life. I really feel for her. I so relate to her bruised sluttiness – jack is a fucking girl loser poof as well. Spit. Vomit. Barf. Ick.

[All messages copied verbatim from Nokia mobile phone]

Teen Angst Moment: I think the hot bloke in advertising thinks I’m stalking him.

Whatever will Tom say next?

53 ) “A gottle of geer ” said Tom badly
32 ) “My hair’s all gone ” said Tom baldly
196 ) “I’ve chucked most of the water overboard ” said Tom balefully
236 ) “You need to hammer it completely flat, like this ” said Tom bashfully
231 ) “10 PRINT ‘HELLO WORLD’ : GOTO 10 ” said Tom basically