plasticbag.org

Tom Coates Explains Everything
• (to PJ Gallagher): Your impulse to eat corn dogs and grape juice is more likely (in my humble opinion) the cause of your shit days than a result of them.
• (to Kylie): The official plasticbag.org line on queercompany is that anything that aggravates Middle England is OK with me, but that I am interested to see whether or not the image of two men kissing is more offensive to the masses than women getting it on.
• (to Kali): No, strudel is beyond my meagre talents in the kitchen, I’m afraid. I think I missed out on many of the important gay genes that make you able to decorate effectively and not fart in public. The straight men who are not completely insensitive to a woman’s feelings (like my mate Nick) have an evolutionary advantage and will gradually erase homo crapulence from the planet. You have my word.

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Thanks to Matt for posting the Geographical Tube Map – I’ve been wanting to see one of these for years. Now if they’d make it a multi-layered operation with an overlay of London streets on it, then it would be incredibly useful.

1990: Travelling around America aged 18, Tom has bought himself an ironic Mickey-Mouse cap.

1993: Travelling around Europe by rail aged 21, Tom has grown his hair ironically long.

1994: At his graduation aged 22, Tom ironically makes a pass at a completely uninterested classmate.

1995: Living alone in his first year as a postgraduate, Tom takes to wearing tight shirts that used to belong to his grandfather. Ironically.

1996: In Bath, Tom develops an ironic overbite and a Brideshead Revisited look.

1997: At a friend’s party in Bristol, Tom appears with a nice hair-cut and an ironic goatee beard.

2000: Our long journey comes to an end. Look how far Tom has progressed in life! Stick out that ironic tongue, Tom! You know we love it!

2002: And now some later additions: With loony stary eyes! Being ironically creepy-looking! Check it out – my eyes move in opposite directions!

2003: A trip to Helsinki leaves Tom contemplating a simpler life as a fisherman:

2004: A few months of systematic hair-growth (my hairdresser refusing to cut my locks) leaves Tom looking like an ironic tramp or a cult leader.

Could the people who come to plasticbag.org from such companies as CharlotteStreet, BBC and bomb.co.uk please look around and see if there are any interesting jobs going on in their vicinity? Thank you!

If someone doesn’t think of a way to get me to the SXSW Interactive festival soon (ideally with Katy), I swear to god I might snap like a twig in a blender.

Tom Coates Explains Everything
• (to David Gentle): No, I am afraid I have not considered strapping myself to a rocket as a plausible option in getting to SXSW, but thanks for asking. And the answer to your second question is that genius isn’t appreciated in its own lifetime.
• (to Ernie Hsiung): Weirdly enough I don’t think of sex in those terms. There have been times when I’ve wanted to be dominated, and times when I’ve wanted to dominate, and probably more times when I have enjoyed the vanilla democratising of sex that is becoming so popular with our straight cousins.
• (to Bob Johnson): I don’t know if I could say that I’ve driven a tractor, but I’ve been in one many times as my uncle and grandmother own farms in Norfolk. Farmyard animals are a bit of a mystery to me as all the farmers in my family grow sugar-beet and wheat, but I suppose I’d have to say that I’m quite a cow fan. And my favourite poem is (I believe) by George Herbert and starts: “He that is weary, let him sit…”. But I’m not really a poetry fan, if I’m honest. My second favourite poem is, after all, by Ivor Cutler and goes: “If your breasts are too big, you will fall over. Unless you wear a ruck-sack”.
• (to Joe Macare): No, Buffy is not getting crap, although it is of variable quality at the moment. The place to go at the moment, however, for the higher quality related kick-ass action is Angel, which gets astonishingly good towards the end of the first Season.
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I went to a press screening of The Gift last night. I was masquerading as ‘Matthew Ford’, a co-worker of mine at timeout.com, who wasn’t able to make it. So I’m at reception at 20th Century Fox and the nice lady says, “What’s your name?”, and I reply, “Matthew Ford, thank you kind lady”, (or something like that) at which point two separate people I know but were not expecting to be present howl “Tom!” across the room, at which point I immediately go “Yes!?”, immediately triggering raised eyebrows from reception woman who now suddenly resembles Baba Yaga, Russian Hag.

The film itself was fairly average, which was a pity. It had a great cast (Cate Blanchett, Hilary Swank, Keanu Reeves, Greg Kinnear), but a fairly run-of-the-mill plot (psychic helps in murder case and might become the next victim) which everyone at the screening figured out fairly early on. Keanu played psycho surprisingly well, but all his effort was rather undercut by his “Bill & Ted do the Deep South” accent. And there were at least a couple of moments that could have been lifted completely from What Lies Beneath. Worth a look if you need a scare but are feeling undemanding.

“President George W. Bush has lost his middle initial from many computer keyboards at the Old Executive Office Building in the White House complex. In an apparent prank carried out by departing Clinton administration staffers, Bush aides discovered that dozens of computer keyboards were missing the “W” key.” [CNN]

Breaking News: BlogVoices may be collapsing under the strain of finding a suitable web-host. If anyone out there can help, please do so. Sharpish!

Tom Coates Explains Everything (to Tom Cosgrave): Standing up, against the wall. (to Grant Balfour): Marriage is a powerful meme that intersects with the biological imperative of the Selfish Gene, but does not overlap it precisely. I would suggest that memetic dominance in your character makes you keen to form such a union while (because it over-rides the biological instinct in your case) making the possible partner in such an enterprise a ridiculously perfect abstraction. (to Paul Kester): No I don’t have a Norfolk accent at all. I sound very British. Mark at riothero said I sounded like Hugh Grant, which just goes to prove that Americans don’t really know what they are talking about. No, nothing is happening in my love-life either. Wes Bentley will insist on feigning disinterest. And my favourite film used to be Jesus of Montreal, but is now probably American Beauty. The why of the last one is too complicated to go into in depth! Next!