Year: 2002

I think I’ll post one thing today that’s not related to colonic irrigation. Just the one. Then we can all go on with the poo-fest. Today’s game of the day is Make your own mugshot – if you fancy seeing my deluded self impression of myself (it’s terrible – I look ten years younger, three stone lighter and much more like David Bowie than is actually the case) then just do a search for a face named ‘Tom Coates’. My version of Davo has already inspired pointing and laughing from the Brit-bloggers, so maybe I’m just no good at it. If you feel like doing a version of me (or yourself), then please feel free! I’ll mention the best ones on the site…

You write a few things about colonic irrigation and you end up getting sent huge links to huge images suggesting what it might be like. Thanks again Davo….

From the amount of links that my thoughts of colonic irrigation have generated around the net – each one basically amounting to a tacit or explicit do it – I can only assume that either you’re all really curious as well or that you think I’m full of crap. The whole High Colonic thing is clearly not just a matter of interest to me. Davo remains appalled by the idea, but Meg and Paul both seemed kind of excited when we talked about it at Meg’s birthday. Be warned, there’s a practitioner just down the road from me in St. John’s Wood. This may actually happen.

I went to a drink for Meg’s birthday last night and Davo took lots of pictures – and I look kind of crumpled in most of them. A good evening was had by most, except those poor individuals who had to listen to Luke and I argue about how to run Barbelith for about three hours…

“Speaking of happiness, you never thought of mine…. Mentioning loneliness, I feel lonely all the time…. Speaking of Davo, he’s in a Noozlelandish magazine…”

Ever since I read that Matt Damon and Ben Affleck indulged in anal action (I think it was when I was working at TCN), I’ve been fascinated by the spectre of colonic irrigation. I remember that scene in LA Story well – “Doesn’t it just clear our your mind?” bounces the hippy Californian. “Are you sure they put it in the right end?” asks the cynical Steve Martin.

For a while now it seems my flatmate has been thinking about the idea too and so I suggested with a smile that we go together – experience the thrill of a clean inner butt. However somehow she’s always been horrified by the idea of being in a clinic next to each other, with a pipe up our arses, listening to each other crap. I can’t quite understand why. Anyway – last night she returned home with news of an article she’d read which finally converted her – in the article a reporter and her photographer went to have extensive and rigorous internal cleaning. When the photographer heard a clunk in a bucket he knew it could only be one thing – the marble he’d swallowed twenty years earlier…

Today I see that Darren has linked to the article in question and now I’m back to being fascinated and appalled by the idea. What do you think? Should I do it? Full details would of course be posted on plasticbag.org.

There are times when I honestly believe that to find out about my life you’d be better reading Brainsluice.

Thanks to Luke for this one – he’s pointed me in the direction of a transcript of an interview between Richard Littlejohn – dubious right-wing journalist – and Will Self – dubious left-wing intellectual. My sympathies are of course heavily with the latter ex-heroin-addict. Although I could be alone in that… Here are a few choice quotes from Self vs Littlejohn:

SELF: It is a 400 page… I’ve read 200 pages of it and that is a 200 page recruiting leaflet for the BNP.
LITTLEJOHN: Well, you can’t comment until you have read the other 200.
SELF: Why? Does it suddenly turn into Tolstoy?
LITTLEJOHN: You’ll have to read it and find out, won’t you.
SELF: Well it won’t take me long.

How depressing – now we’re all going to have to make our sites work properly in Mozilla. How dreary.

I’ve only just noticed, which probably makes me the second worst person in the world after the inventor of spiders, but Prolific.org has redesigned – and it looks amazingly fresh…