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Family

A brief aside about filling in forms…

A weirdly disorienting couple of days all things considered and some of my fuses appear unusually short and fizzy as a result. This morning I filled in the form from Traceline and sent it off, filling the A4 sheet with all the information I have about my father. I had four inches of untouched space left. Lots of big decisions rising out of the mists and only confused headspace available to deal with them. Brain’s moving faster than it has in a long while. Oh and yesterday I got to see one of my heroes – Frank Black from the Pixies – playing live in the 6music hub, and even watched him play and acoustic version of a classic Pixies song that didn’t go out on the air. It all adds to the heady hallucinogenic feel. More later.

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Links for 2005-05-18

  • Kylie Minogue ‘has breast cancer’ “Singer Kylie Minogue has postponed her tour of Australia after being diagnosed with breast cancer, her tour company has announced”
  • Anti-Anti-Piracy Seal A beautiful bit of design for artists to put on their albums if they don’t mind it being shared online. I doubt we’ll see it in the wild…
  • The Mermaid by Heinz Insu Fenkl An awesome piece of investigation into the figure of the mermaid, the siren and representations of female sexuality centred around the Starbucks logo
  • Blogpoly board A new Monopoly-derived game board centred around the world of weblogging manages beautifully to avoid mentioning any weblogs…
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Family

Another step in finding my father?

So my long protracted semi-attempt to work up the courage to find my father has moved on one more tiny little step step with a couple of nerve-wracking and unsettling conversations with (1) the Salvation Army and (2) Traceline. The Salvation Army conversation really freaked me out – they give you some kind of random caseworker, ask you questions about your relative and then tell you what they’ll do for you. Here’s the disturbing bit: if you decide to find the relative through them, there are almost no circumstances where they won’t give out your home address. I was really uncomfortable with this – I haven’t seen my father in thirty years and – from the impression I get of him – he wasn’t the most reliable and together of people in the early seventies. I have no idea whatsoever of what he’s like in person today but I’m pretty much certain that I don’t want him turning up on my doorstep out of the blue. Their service is free, but I can’t see any circumstance where I’ll be using it. I kept getting a feeling that there was some kind of near-cultish agenda or dogma in the work they do that’s more about them than it is about the people who go to them for help, and I came away from the phonecall shaken and feeling really exposed and weirded out.

Traceline seemed (on first impressions) to be a much more plausible option. You have to pay them for the trace, but it’s not an enormous amount of money, and they do it by checking GPs records. They’ll tell you if your relative is dead and – if you want to get in contact with them – you can get them to forward a letter to the person concerned. They’ll contact that person first to see if they want the letter. If not, no harm no foul. That seems like an entirely more controllable and less alarming way of going around the whole thing – if for no other reason that you could probably just put a work address in any eventual correspondence until you’d got more comfortable with the whole idea. The only thing that creeps me out about them is that although they said they were a government department, I can’t really find a presence for them online. This does not instill me with an enormous amount of faith…

The more I think about my father, the more convinced I am that the guy is dead. As I understand it from my mother (who to be honest I don’t think knew that much about his background) both of his parents died relatively young of cancer. He’d be 65 today and I can’t really believe that he wouldn’t have looked online and seen that I’m here and looking for him. If he is still alive, I guess his lack of response to everything I’ve done is a bit of a gentle kick in the netherparts, but it wouldn’t be too gutting. I’m just interested now in just getting some of the mystery out of the way. Is he alive? Is he dead? Does he at least know that I’m interested in meeting him (at least once, before one of us dies)? I don’t need – I don’t want – much more than that…

While I’m on the subject: wow does writing about it all in public make it easier to deal with. Starting a conversation with people about this stuff at work or with friends feels really weird and awkward and not particularly appealing. Who wants to spring that on someone in the middle of their day? Who wants to have to deal with people’s awkward reactions when you’re already feeling a bit random. Not me. But somehow putting it on the site keeps it at arms length. Making it public – but through the site – seems to ring-fence how awkward people can feel about the whole thing and limits how much they feel the need to be sympathetic or whatever. Realistically, sure it’s scary but who needs sympathy? What does it do but make you more aware of the stuff you’re trying to avoid thinking about? Yay weblogs. Yay websites. Life-saving little things. Very much approve.

Anyway, for anyone else in the same situation, here are the contact detail of the two organisations that I contacted today during my lunch break

  • Salvation Army support
    Fee for tracing someone £35
    Phone: 0845 6344747 mon-fri – 8.15-3.45pm
    www.look4them.org
  • Traceline
    Father needs to be named on Birth Certificate
    £30 required to make search. £25 to forward a letter.
    Phone: 0151 471 4811
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Links for 2005-05-17

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Links for 2005-05-16

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On the attractions of the imperfect…

A couple of weeks of Tiger and the one thing that I keep noticing is the diminished keyboard buffer. Or at least that’s what I think is going on. In Panther, one of the things I could – and did – do regularly was press Apple-N in Mail and then without pausing I could launch into my latest missive. Now if I do it, I get a couple of annoying alert noises and the first few characters are thrown away. The same thing happens with spotlight, which in a way is worse because I got so used to using the same key combinations to trigger Launchbar.

Tiger’s been an interesting release for me. There’s something weirdly unsurprising about all the new stuff, and something unfinished about the big architectural changes. But the weirdest thing is how interesting the lapses are. It’s the bits where the new stuff doesn’t feel like it has bedded in – the times when you think you know how something should work but it doesn’t really work like it should – those are the bits that are genuinely exciting. I know it sounds like rationalisation, but some of my frustrations with the release have been balanced by a sense that the current OS is maleable, fixable. It feels like this is a release that will get people much more technical than myself very very excited because they won’t be playing with something slippery and shiny, but with something rough, tactile and improvable. Something imperfect that might be finishable. The point releases for Tiger should be really interesting.

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Links for 2005-05-15

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Design

On David LaChapelle, Selfridges and a Vegas Supernova…

Every day on the way to work my bus passes Selfridges. And from my elevated seat on the top floor, I get a pretty good view of the extraordinary themed displays that they put up each month. Sometimes they’re pretty rubbish. There was one about a month ago which had lots of ill-looking 70s-style mannequins posing uncomfortably against a snot green background. Around them were lots of fruit and vegetables. I think they were plastic. The whole thing made me feel a bit ill.

But for every failure, there’s a tremendous triumph. At the moment they’re running a Vegas-themed month in conjunction with some vile online gambling thing that I’m not prepared to link to. if you’re interested, they’re mention in the official website: Vegas Supernova.

The site is pretty well designed, but it really doesn’t convey the majesty of the thing. On top of the front awning is a huge neon sign that almost overwhelms the whole building, screaming Vegas Supernova into the night. It completely swallows any of the Selfridges branding, and sits surprisingly comfortably with the neo-classical architecture and the Art Nouveau sculpture. If you’re having trouble visualising it, try thinking of Biff Tannen’s Pleasure Palace from Back to the Future Part II. Yes, you’re getting it now. It’s that wonderful. I’m going to be so disappointed when they have to remove it.

Anyway, the best imagery is in the shop windows at the front of the store. They could have gone in a number of directions with this stuff – Vegas isn’t the hardest place to evoke. But rather than just push tackiness or spectacle, they’ve brought in David LaChapelle. His work is extraordinary, it’s almost as if Vegas itself is self-representing what it thinks is most important about itself – using only the plastics and artificiality and neon that it has naturally at its disposal. It’s almost an innocent portrayal of the place, as if the city doesn’t know that it’s kind of tacky and just wants you to like it.

My favourite example of this stuff is the representation of the city’s sexuality – where the brazen display of breasts that Vegas is known for is abstracted and repackaged in plastic as windows full of inflatable breasts. Every so often they deflate a bit and then reinflate, pressing massive artificial nipples agains the glass. It sounds pornographic, but they’re made of such artificial and bright material that they look a bit like children’s toys. It feels like the city itself is going, “look at all my toys”.

The whole thing conveys an impression of Las Vegas that is as alluring as it is repulsive, as exploitative as it is extraordinary. It does this so elegantly. You look at the brashness and respond to its simplicity and eagerness – it’s complete lack of awareness of how slutty it is. And then at another level, you reel at the lack of self-awareness. Extraordinary.

Anyway, I can thoroughly recommend the whole experience, but if you want to see the spectacle for yourself, you’ll have to get down to Selfridges today or tomorrow before they start taking it all down. And if you’ve seen it already, why not let me know what you though about the whole thing by posting a comment below?

[These images are courtesy of Rebekah Ford, who managed to get much better photos of the orbs than I did. You can see more on her Flickr photostream. I feel I should also share one of her insights on the whole spectacle – that the inflatable breasts looked like they were about to burst through the glass in their thousands and start bouncing down the streets Prisoner-style. It’s an image I’ll take with me to my grave.]

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The lyrics of "Show Me" from My Fair Lady…

Words! Words! Words! I’m so sick of words!
I get words all day through;
First from him, now from you!
Is that all you blighters can do?
Don’t talk of stars burning above;
If you’re in love, Show me!
Tell me no dreams filled with desire.
If you’re on fire, Show me!
Here we are together in the middle of the night!
Don’t talk of spring! Just hold me tight!
Anyone who’s ever been in love’ll tell you that
This is no time for a chat!
Haven’t your lips longed for my touch?
Don’t say how much, Show me! Show me!
Don’t talk of love lasting through time.
Make me no undying vow. Show me now!

Sing me no song! Read me no rhyme!
Don’t waste my time, Show me!
Don’t talk of June, Don’t talk of fall!
Don’t talk at all! Show me!
Never do I ever want to hear another word.
There isn’t one I haven’t heard.
Here we are together in what ought to be a dream;
Say one more word and I’ll scream!
Haven’t your arms hungered for mine?
Please don’t “expl’ine,” Show me! Show me!
Don’t wait until wrinkles and lines
Pop out all over my brow,
Show me now!

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Links for 2005-05-14