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Sex is a bit shit really…

Ok. Sex. I mean – why? I mean, let’s be honest – It’s a bit shit isn’t it. I mean it’s not like computers? It’s all unreliable and irritating. Ok maybe it’s like computers running Windows… People only pretend to like it anyway so they can fit in. It’s like Eastenders. No one wants to watch it, but if they don’t, how the hell are they going to have anything to talk about at dinner parties? Sex is exactly the same. And I don’t watch Eastenders. PS. Anyone who decides to burst my bubble on this one is going to get a smack…

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Being "Blast from the past" time on plasticbag.org

Barely inspired by this very boring looking article which I couldn’t be bothered to read, I’ve spent a good twenty minutes trying to uncover The Ten Secrets of a Successful Website – a much much less boring microsite bashed together by Jason Kottke when he was doing cool creative things with 0sil8.com rather than being godfather of weblogdom. Here’s a particularly choice quote:

“When dealing with a web site, especially a corporate web site, branding is the most important thing. Therefore, the logo has to be the most visible element on the site. That means it has to be on every page, preferably in the upper lefthand corner of the page. the logo must also be large… Set your screen to 640×480 resolution and make sure the logo takes up a quarter of your browser window. Of course, this means that the content will be pushed down the page a little. Don’t worry, content isn’t that important and people will find it if they really want to. And again, if you can animate or make your logo 3D, that will increase its impact even more.”

And while I was at 0sil8.com I thought I’d better mention some other classic Kottke that you young folks were probably too busy sniffing glue and having underage sex to have seen the first time around:

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On professional weblogging and BBC Scotland…

So it looks like Meg Hourihan’s article about professional weblogging was prescient. BBC Scotland is the latest organisation to try their hand at corporately sponsored personal publishign (of a kind) with the launch of Scotblog. It’s a fairly strange site mixing stories of particular interest to Scots with very personal musings on postcards. Is this really what Meg meant, I wonder? At least it’s a change from the Guardian’s useful but dry link-based site. [via Darren]

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Now this is the way to go about winning a bloody stupid competition…

“If it were up to a public vote, a la the bloggies, I most certainly wouldn’t win, but with a panel of judges I’ve definitely got a chance. Of the eight judges, I’ve sent five of them a mince pie in the post, and I threatened Anita Roddick with throwing rocks at customers of the local Body Shop unless I get her vote. This one’s in the bag.” [Lawrie Malen]

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Being a heartfelt gesture of thanks towards Mr Matthew Webb, underappreciated OSXpert

[Note added September 21st, 2002: There is apparently a new driver – version 2.0 – that is available for users of MacOSX. It’s available here. As of this date I haven’t tried it, because I’m too nervous that it’ll bugger up my connection. If you have tried it, let me know how you got on with it via e-mail.]

[Note added September 1st, 2002: If you are looking for solutions to your ADSL/Alcatel/Jaguar problems, then I would take Mr Webb’s advice and read this extremely helpful guide to upgrading your drivers]

Several years ago, when I was still doing my postgraduate work in Bristol, I had a friend called Louise who was very into the healing arts of Reiki. I’m not a great fan of alternative medicines – I don’t dismiss them out of hand, but I’m a sceptical man. Something has to be plausible for me to advocate it. Louise and I went shopping one day, and returned back to my flat exhausted and grumpy – and my feet were killing me. At this moment – slumped in my sitting room – Louise asked me a very strange question. She asked me, “Would it freak you out if I said I could make your feet feel better from right here over the other side of the room?” My eyebrow stretched so high I thought it might never come down again…

Bear with me, because I’m coming to the point. All regular visitors to plasticbag.org over the last few days will be familiar with the problems I’ve been having with the ungodly enemies BTOpenworld and Alcatel. But my story has a happy ending, and it’s all to do with the wonders of MacOSX.2. Last night, you’ll recall, I discovered that there was a fix for the Alcatel drivers that was floating around on a discussion board. A fix which, although it would work, was beyond my technical expertise.

Enter Matt Webb who sitting comfortably in his house in Hammersmith sent me a message via iChat. He suggested that he might be able to fix my ADSL drivers from the other side of London. Would this freak me out? Absolutely. But I went along with it. First I determined my IP address from my network preferences panel. Then I turned on ‘remote access’ in the sharing panel. Then I made Matt an account on my computer and gave him administrator privileges. This took two minutes. And then, while we chatted, he connected to my computer with SSH through my modem, fixed all the files through Terminal, gave a bit of a smiley grin and told me it was finished. We signed off, I restarted my computer with all the cables plugged in – and now I have a fully working broadband connection.

Now I don’t really know who to celebrate here. I’ve got no idea whether or not something like that would have been possible on a standard Windows installation, I’ve got no idea whether the instructions given were particularly clear or ludicrously complicated. I don’t even know whether this is something that Matt feels completely comfortable doing, whether he fixes things like this every day Lone-Ranger style… What I do remember is that old line from science fiction, “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic”.

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One for the non-geeks…

We’re seeing the acronyms everywhere at the moment – RSS & RDF. They’re becoming icons of webspace like HTML and CSS. But interestingly, unlike HTML and CSS, almost no one seems to know what they stand for. So to clarify – and obfuscate – in the same stroke, let me reveal to you the wonder of geek naming conventions. RSS stands for ‘RDF Site Summary’ of all things. And RDF in turn stands for the the elegant and punchy, “Resource Description Framework”. Aren’t you glad you know that?

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Shock news from the technology and entertainment industries…

Take a seat. No really, sit down. You’re going to be shocked by this. Sony have decided to stop making Betamax VCRs! I know! I know! Who saw that coming?!

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BTOpenworld and ADSL – the news is good… Kind of…

[Note added September 21st, 2002: There is apparently a new driver – version 2.0 – that is available for users of MacOSX. It’s available here. As of this date I haven’t tried it, because I’m too nervous that it’ll bugger up my connection. If you have tried it, let me know how you got on with it via e-mail.]

Firstly an apology to both my regular readers for going on about my problems with BTOpenworld and Alcatel’s SpeedTouch USB ADSL modem. Placing this information online may seem annoying to many of you, but the wonders of the internet and Google mean that if I get it online it will never die and can help people for months to come. That’s one of the other wonderful things about the internet and modern search engines – knowledge can once again become something that is added to by each and every person on the planet co-operatively without fear of it being lost. Or at least that’s the theory…

So to start off with here’s the good news – it seems there is a fix for the 1.6 version of the Alcatel drivers for OSX Check your current version numbers, because if you are using older ones then you’ll have no luck with this fix. The latest versions can be downloaded from from SpeedTouchProfiles.com. These drivers don’t work in and of themselves, but apparently can be made to work by altering ‘version number format and matching’, whatever that means. You can read the whole fix here: It takes a froggy to tame a frog!!

Now for the bad news. The fix is almost totally incomprehensible to me and looks like it’s likely to remain so for quite a while to come. If anyone can walk me through it, I’ll do whatever it takes to bring you pleasure in your life. In the meantime, the site you need to know about if you’re having any problems with running Alcatel’s ADSL on MacOSX is run by Antonio Strijdom.

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So if you're going to sell your soul down the river for £25 and a box of liquorice allsorts, you'd better get your bloody move on…

Over the last few weeks I’ve become the semi-official online promotional orifice of the Guardian’s Best British Blog competition, and with just over a week and a half to go, it’s time to remember – if you’re planning to sell your soul down the river for £25 and a box of liquorice allsorts, you’d better get your bloody move on…

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On RSS feeds / CSS and Jason's Kottke's redesign of NetNewsWire

Yesterday I posted a substantial rant on kottke.org about the role of RSS feeds and readers. Here’s an excerpt: “Perhaps this is one of those times when we all realise that the potential uses for an adaptation of the technology exceed what people designed it for. RSS feeds are the palm-friendly templates that we’ve never all designed for, they’re the truly cross-platform designs for the site that open up issues of accessibility for people using alternative readers because of blindness.”.