Category: Random

There’s a book called Running Weblogs with Slash. For a little while this confused me. Why would anyone need a book for that? But then – of course, revelation – and I realised that you’d probably need a guidebook as to how to persuade his agent to let him do it, ways to placate him when he got a bit drunk and mad, ways to stop the other members of Guns ‘n’ Roses turning up at your place of work every twenty minutes asking to scab a fiver.

• Wednesday, February 20
  Today Slash and I went to the shops. And we had the best time!!! I guess that just goes to show that we’re really good friends after all. Slash got some fish fingers and I splashed out on some Tartare sauce. He nearly burnt his hair on the way out of the newsagents. God it was so funny. He showed me his new smiley earlier today – it’s great – I;{P – I think it sums him up perfectly. Except for the moustache, which I don’t really get. We’ll have a party when we get home, Slash says. He’s my best friend.
• Tuesday, February 19
  Slash won’t put the toilet seat down after going to the bathroom. He’s driving me insane.
• Monday, February 18
  Slash went to some big party yesterday and when he got home he was really drunk. I wouldn’t normally mind, but I live here too, y’know? The most annoying thing was that when I got up I had to remove all his stringy bits of hair from the shower plug-hole to stop it overflowing all over the floor. Honestly, I don’t think people know what it’s like living with an ex-rock god. Aren’t my needs important?! I had to get to Kinko’s by ten this morning as well…
• Saturday, February 16
  Today Slash said he thought Nick Jordan was the best British weblogger. How wrong can a guy be!? I keep trying to tell him that it’s clearly not going to be Nick Jordan. It’s GOT to be Graybo. Slash drank quite a lot after our argument, trashed the hotel room and refused to let me play Unreal Tournament on his PS2 even though he didn’t really want to watch Futurama on Fox. I hate him when he’s like this. In the end I had to get my Mom to ring him up on his cellphone when he was in the bath. I heard all this laughing from the bathroom, so I guess he’s forgiven me… Mom’s sure ringing a lot nowadays…

Go forth my minions! Perhaps you could resolve the biggest gripe that people have about the new plasticbag.org design – the lack of attractive looking permalinks. The problem is code-related – I have always scrupulously placed paragraph tags around each and every one of my posts on plasticbag.org. Unfortunately this means that unless I want my permalinks to sit in another paragraph after or before each post, it’s very difficult to format them. What I would really like is to have the permalinks as little floating circles to the left or right of the main content box, but every attempt I make to produce them results in a huge and unsightly gap between posts.

The Rules:

• Remember, a post may be more than one paragraph long! You have to preserve the spacing between paragraphs.
• This whole thing could be done pretty easily with tables, but let’s face it – tables are retro-tech. plasticbag.org is almost entirely CSS and your solution should be too.
• The best solution (shown to me on another site) gets the mother of all links for a week. Something really big and sexy, plus – er… $10 in their Paypal accounts if they have one.

Just as everyone in the western world has finally succumbed and bought a player – be warned: DVDs are obselete.

Move along, nothing to see here: I’ve got a job interview tomorrow and I’m planning to spend much of the day getting myself up to speed with everything on the internet I think I need to know about. And so my first assumption is that I’m not going to post much. But then again, I am going to be roaming the internet looking for interesting information, and that’s not that dissimilar from weblogging anyway…

In honour of Don Cheadle’s “Worst Cockney Accent Ever”, I hereby present the World’s Worst Cockney Website Translator Ever, which seems to do nothing but add the word “awright?” every two sentences. Appalling. As my flatmate says – “My poor people!”

An afternoon’s MP3 playlist:

Michael Jackson – “Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough”, B*Witched – “Hey Mickey”, Jamiroquai – “Deeper Underground”, Britney Spears – “Oops! I did it again”, David Bowie – “Boys Keep Swinging”, Grace Jones – “Pull Up To The Bumper”, Death in Vegas – “Dirge”, Lauren Hill – “Doo Wop (That Thing)”, PJ Harvey – “Good Fortune”, Tom Jones & Stereophonics – “Mama Told Me Not To Come”, Menswear – “Daydreamer”, Ben Folds – “Rockin’ the Suburbs”, EMF – “Unbelievable”, Limp Bizkit – “Rollin'”, Madonna – “Music”, David Bowie – “Let’s Dance”, Depeche Mode – “I Feel Loved”, Prince – “Raspberry Beret”, Nancy Sinatra – “These Boots Were Made For Walkin'”, Daft Punk – “Superheroes”, Charlatans – “Love is the Key”, Daft Punk – “Da Funk”, David Bowie – “Modern Love”, Ike and Tina Turner – “Nutbush City Limits”, Spice Girls – “Who do you think you are?”, Dockers – “To Vuo Fo L’Americano”, S Club 7 – “Don’t Stop Movin'”, New Order – “Blue Monday 88”, Weezer – “Crab”, Hole – “Awful”, Salt n Pepa – “Push It”, ABBA – “Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!”, Primitives – “Crash”, Death in Vegas – “Aisha”, Blondie – “Maria”, Smiths – “How Soon is Now?”, Destiny’s Child – “Bootylicious”.

Now answer me this – am I a cool hipster with a hint of trash or a trash glamster with a touch of cool? I can’t decide, I really can’t….

More evidence, if evidence were needed that Metafilter’s Matt Haughey is a god among men.

On Thursday night I went to see Ocean’s Eleven. The film is amazing, Don Cheadle‘s accent is offensively bad. The whole cinema groaned whenever he came on. First “The Limey” and now this… What did England ever do to Steven Soderbergh!?

I just did a quiz at the Guardian designed to figure out how much money you should be earning – it works it out by assessing your IQ. At the end of the test the quiz asked me what I was doing with my life. The quiz told me I was wasting it. And, in fact, that I should be earning about £60,000 more a year than I seem to be at the moment. More annoyingly the instructions for the second round of questions made absolutely no sense at all. So I just answered the same for all of them and hoped for the best.

You tell me – do these instructions make any sense? “Does the second shape differ in some way from the first shape? Or could the second shape be the same as the first shape?” The possible answers are “Could be” and “no”. Is that ‘No the second shape does not differ from the first shape?’ or ‘No the second shape could not be the same as the first shape?’ or is that ‘The second shape could be different from the first shape?’ or ‘The second shape could be the same as the first shape?’ – whoever wrote the quiz was a bit dumb if you ask me. Now, where’s my £75,000 salary?

It’s Valentines Day – are you lost and lonely? Well then it’s a terrible shame that I didn’t do this earlier. Because I’m considering selling a date with myself over the net on ebay. Would you like to buy me for a meal and some stilted conversation in Central London? Sometime in the first week of March? Then keep yourself glued to your monitor…