Another fun morning – today’s entertainment includes two months notice (along with my flatmates) to vacate my flat, a letter from the bank explaining that I’ve gone over my overdraft facility and a nice happy bill from Barclaycard.
Impressions of late-night TV: 1) three people of very different life positions watch an episode of Sex and the City where four people’s very different life positions push barriers between them, 2) George Michael goes Blade-runner as a Sexual Freak in the closest thing to a homo mid-life crisis that you can put on screen for even an obscenely stupid amount of money, 3) an acting coach says to one of her model pupils, “You know what you’re really saying is that you want to be…..” – the student looks blank, then resigned. “Fucked….?” – there is much nodding and wild-eyed agreement – and perhaps the tiniest tear runs down her face. Another model looks like Wes Bentley.
By the way, just in case you’re desperately searching for my e-mail address like the person who keeps writing “Tom has no e-mail address on his page” and “Please Tom put your e-mail address on your page” in the search box, then my e-mail address is tom%40plasticbag.org.
Returned to the ‘From You Know Who You Are Department’, With Thanks: Say you were at a party with a woman who dislikes you and most of your friends and isn’t afraid to say so, and you were chatting to a friend of yours who’s just decided to go out with said woman, and you kind of felt the need to know why he was doing it so you asked him, only for her to answer the question several days later in rather twisty-turny grammar on her website by suggesting that she gave the best head in town, wouldn’t you reply affectionately that after an exhaustive survey of the male weblogger population – all other qualities aside – her capacity for blow-jobs was considered merely adequate? I know I wouldn’t. Because it would be wrong.
Human beings are like Microsoft products – cobbled together in a rough evolutionary fashion over many years, prone to collapse, occasional misfunctioning and systematic farting (both actual and metaphorical). If human beings were like Apple products then we’d all be beautiful and we’d probably be able to fly and read minds by now – although it is possible instead that we’d have become almost totally extinct as a species.
Press Release: Armitage Media is proud to announce the release of the first single by the winner of “Blog Idol”, the stunning Tom Coates. The double A-side (titled “Anything is possible / When you’re A-list”) will be released shortly via Morgan Music (probably). The cover art in all its glory is available for the press here.
I need advice – if you’ve ever looked at a personal ad on nerve.com then I need your advice. I need you to go and look at a lame web-blokes personal ad and tell me if it’s completely full of shit or not. The user-name of the bloke whose ad I want your opinions of is ‘8bit’.
At the beginning of February 2002, The Guardian contacted me about the possibility of an interview. For some ungodly reason the lunatic newspaper had decided that it was thrilled by the idea of listen to me jabber on about any decaying rubbish that fell lifelessly out of my mouth. I dutifully obliged.
A couple of days later, they asked me if they could send a photographer around to take a picture. I was of course tremendously flattered – although since I hadn’t shaved in over a week and since we’d run out of hot water and since the photographer was going to arrive in about thirty seconds, I wasn’t entirely comfortable with how I was going to look.
When the photographer arrived, he was a tremendous friendly mad old guy with thick glasses and thinning hair who asked me to sit in all kinds of strange positions in front of my computer, but never once told me what to do wih my face. By the end of the (brief) session, I was kind of sheepishly grinning in complete embarrassment.
The photographs he finally decided were the best were e-mailed to me a couple of days later. The article, of course, never actually ran in the paper at all – so they now only exist here online… My moment of fame postponed once more… And frankly it’s all to the good as I have never looked so goddamned hideous…
I am drooling at the thought of Photoshop 7 because it will be the first version of the software to run natively in OSX – which means I need never ever use OS9 again. Which will be nice.
Hands up who thinks Andrew Sullivan’s views on homosexuality are dull, conformist, apologist and retro? That many huh? Ok then. Hands up who cares about Andrew Sullivan’s Blogger manifesto? Wow. That few…
