plasticbag.org

Excellent Two more reviews for the BBC to be written by Monday. Now all I need is for them to actually pay me for them.

Random thoughts on modern culture:

1) Anyone who wanted to Kill the President of the United States would find it difficult since he so closely resembles the upper echelons of comedy incompentent heroes (see Pink Panther movies), that any assassination attempt would inevitably backfire and kill the agent of said terrorist action. Hilarious anarchy would insue.

2) Cult products in a new world order that had a sense of humour could include the “Waco Bell’ chain of subversive fast food restaurants and “Whitewater Rafting Holidays” where you were thrown of the top of the infamous hotel in a dingy suspended from a parachute.

3) Exciting sounding words with new definitions: Lebed – French rebranding of the sleeping experience, Spetznaz – Russian immigrant Hip-Hop Fusion Band with saliva-duct problems, Glock 26 – Eastern European ‘reconceived time-keeping device’ each with a different number of hours per day.

4) Sexy words out of context: IW, IS, Privacy, Information Terrorism, Terrorism Defensive Information, Furbys, E911, FCIC, HTCIA, IACIS, UT/RUS, JANET, ram, JICC, ReMOB, FRU, Bubba, Freeh, Archives, ISADC, CISSP, Sundevil, jack, DJC, LLNL, bemd, SGC, UNCPCJ, CFC, SABENA, DREO, CDA, SADRS, DRA, SHAPE, cospo.osis.gov.

5) These wonderful efforts have been inspired by lists of alleged Echelon code words: The Register (see also BBC and Guardian). Some wonderfully inconguous entries include: furbys, quiche, Golf, Templar, Mary, chameleon man, William Gates, ladylove, filofax, illuminati, speedbump, Nerd, fangs, Sex, Artichoke and Badger. Badger! Damn it, they’re on to me…

I’ve spent quite a lot of the morning trying to sort out my entry into press screenings of films. This was a hell of a lot easier when I worked on Time Out’s Film Guide. People are naturally suspicious of people who call themselves freelance journalists. Doesn’t stop it being a right pain in the arse though.

Er. Saw Ev and Cami for a drink last night with Darren, Meg, Matt and Davo. My colleagues were very difficult to organise in such last minute conditions – particularly as they had clearly decided to wind me up over AIM for about forty minutes. I finally met everyone at the Devonshire Arms, where we all ended up accidentally confusing our visitors by talking about British politics, children’s television series, Buffy and internal Uk Weblogging Gossip. Ev in particular looked like he was trying to find the best moment to slip some lithium into our drinks. Poor chap. We try to be entertaining – we really do. After a swift trip to Wagamama, we retreated back to the pub. En route I explained British Draconian drinking legislation and was met with astonishment and horror. It actually hadn’t occurred to me how strange our arrangment is. A couple of pints later and it was time to go home. Regrets? Not pumping Ev for all the low-down gossip and news from the US scene more effectively. Grrrr.

Tasteless site of the day comes courtesy of popbitch, nose candy, space invaders and Daniella Westbrook. I present for your amusement: “Gak Attack“. Top Tips: Daniella’s faces will only throw noses at your breasts when you are directly underneath them. So the trick is fast dashes from the left or right of the screen, firing your lines of cocaine as you go. Enjoy.

Ev! If you’re out there, check your damn e-mail or phone messages! We need an answer from you fairly pronto!

After ten years without them, I now want a bloody date – and I don’t care if I am ‘still good or interesting, though old’.

One of the horrors of building web sites is that you have to look at them all the time, angsting about whether you could have done them better, feeling gradually more frustrated with them day by day, never being happy with them, never thinking they’re good enough.

I have a new mantra to repeat as I’m walking through Central London. It makes me feel cool. ‘I am Jude Law. I am Jude Law. I am Jude Law. I am Jude Law. I am Jude Law. I am Jude Law. I am Jude Law. I am Jude Law.’

An evening in links and comments: Photographs. T-shirt dating? 36 + 76 / 2?. I’m not bloody impish. “Last night’s PoofBlogMeet began disastrously and then proceeded downhill from there” (link). Abercrombie Kids. “In the escalator engine / machinery room at Knightsbridge underground station?” (Him on Him) And that’s my last word on the subject.