I received a referral today from Google via Yahoo!. Someone had typed in “load urge rectum girl”. I was, of course, the first result. Which fills me with worry. Am I fulfilling the needs of the Load Urge Rectum Girl community? Are they satisfied with the information on my site? How can I turn their initial browsing into a recurrent user pattern? Will they become a repeat visitor? Oh, user behaviour analysis is so very tiring…
Art Collective Sues Dot-Com For Trademark Infringement
In what might possibly be the most superbly postmodern twist to a wonderfully subversive story, etoy is suing the arse off etoys.
“Etoy, which may be the world’s only artists’ collective with a business plan, alleges that because it was around before eToys, the toy retailer should not be allowed to use a similar name that could be confused with its own.”
• (to Nick Cornwell): No, dear chap, I was not ‘pulling your pisser’, and should you wish to know what the conversation was about, then merely scroll further down the page.
• (to Whalen Toni): Yes I have indeed read slash fan fiction. Back in the mists of time I used to spend a lot of time over at alt.tv.er, uk.media.tv.er and alt.fan.noah-wyle, which is where I first stumbled upon the phenonemon. I have to confess that I find the idea of women getting turned on by writing about men having sex with each other slightly strange (I assume this is the point). Most of the women I talk to swear that this does nothing for them. Well it certainly does something to me… There is a particularly interesting (and well written) series about Dr John Carter (from ER) and Skinner (from the X-files) which everyone should read immediately. If anyone has the URL I’ll link to it ASAP.
• (to Marshall): Until this point, my feelings of inadequacy did not apply to Furbies, but now you have pointed out that said creatures can launch into a thousand languages while running on an Energizer battery, I feel crushed and pointless as a human being. Thanks a lot.
Spread the word. I want it on all of your sites by the end of the day: “Backslapping Wank for the 21st Century: Vote plasticbag.org for Anti-Bloggies ‘Most Banal Content’!”
Campaign Supporters: Not Enough Of Me
Tom Coates Explains Everything
• (to PJ Gallagher): Your impulse to eat corn dogs and grape juice is more likely (in my humble opinion) the cause of your shit days than a result of them.
• (to Kylie): The official plasticbag.org line on queercompany is that anything that aggravates Middle England is OK with me, but that I am interested to see whether or not the image of two men kissing is more offensive to the masses than women getting it on.
• (to Kali): No, strudel is beyond my meagre talents in the kitchen, I’m afraid. I think I missed out on many of the important gay genes that make you able to decorate effectively and not fart in public. The straight men who are not completely insensitive to a woman’s feelings (like my mate Nick) have an evolutionary advantage and will gradually erase homo crapulence from the planet. You have my word.
Thanks to Matt for posting the Geographical Tube Map – I’ve been wanting to see one of these for years. Now if they’d make it a multi-layered operation with an overlay of London streets on it, then it would be incredibly useful.
1990: Travelling around America aged 18, Tom has bought himself an ironic Mickey-Mouse cap.
1993: Travelling around Europe by rail aged 21, Tom has grown his hair ironically long.
1994: At his graduation aged 22, Tom ironically makes a pass at a completely uninterested classmate.
1995: Living alone in his first year as a postgraduate, Tom takes to wearing tight shirts that used to belong to his grandfather. Ironically.
1996: In Bath, Tom develops an ironic overbite and a Brideshead Revisited look.
1997: At a friend’s party in Bristol, Tom appears with a nice hair-cut and an ironic goatee beard.
2000: Our long journey comes to an end. Look how far Tom has progressed in life! Stick out that ironic tongue, Tom! You know we love it!
2002: And now some later additions: With loony stary eyes! Being ironically creepy-looking! Check it out – my eyes move in opposite directions!
2003: A trip to Helsinki leaves Tom contemplating a simpler life as a fisherman:
2004: A few months of systematic hair-growth (my hairdresser refusing to cut my locks) leaves Tom looking like an ironic tramp or a cult leader.
Could the people who come to plasticbag.org from such companies as CharlotteStreet, BBC and bomb.co.uk please look around and see if there are any interesting jobs going on in their vicinity? Thank you!
If someone doesn’t think of a way to get me to the SXSW Interactive festival soon (ideally with Katy), I swear to god I might snap like a twig in a blender.
Tom Coates Explains Everything
• (to David Gentle): No, I am afraid I have not considered strapping myself to a rocket as a plausible option in getting to SXSW, but thanks for asking. And the answer to your second question is that genius isn’t appreciated in its own lifetime.
• (to Ernie Hsiung): Weirdly enough I don’t think of sex in those terms. There have been times when I’ve wanted to be dominated, and times when I’ve wanted to dominate, and probably more times when I have enjoyed the vanilla democratising of sex that is becoming so popular with our straight cousins.
• (to Bob Johnson): I don’t know if I could say that I’ve driven a tractor, but I’ve been in one many times as my uncle and grandmother own farms in Norfolk. Farmyard animals are a bit of a mystery to me as all the farmers in my family grow sugar-beet and wheat, but I suppose I’d have to say that I’m quite a cow fan. And my favourite poem is (I believe) by George Herbert and starts: “He that is weary, let him sit…”. But I’m not really a poetry fan, if I’m honest. My second favourite poem is, after all, by Ivor Cutler and goes: “If your breasts are too big, you will fall over. Unless you wear a ruck-sack”.
• (to Joe Macare): No, Buffy is not getting crap, although it is of variable quality at the moment. The place to go at the moment, however, for the higher quality related kick-ass action is Angel, which gets astonishingly good towards the end of the first Season.
Next!
